Alright gentlemen, here we go.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Nothing can wreck a marriage faster than finding out your wife is cheating on you.
It’s hard enough to give a girl your heart. Commitment is a slippery slope after all. With a divorce rate approaching 50% in the United States, “til death do us part,” has kind of lost some of its teeth in recent years.
We don’t want to feed your paranoia, and there may be plenty of good reasons why a wife sometimes acts the way she does. And those reasons don’t always mean that your wife is cheating on you. Sometimes, wives just do things for no apparent reason to you. Imagine that.
But if you suspect she’s being unfaithful, there are bound to be some telltale signs.
And you’re a fool to think that cheating is only about what may or may not go on between the sheets with somebody else.
That’s because cheating has so many levels.
Sure, she can cheat on you in a physical sense. Sex is the biological imperative after all. But cheating can also take place on a psychological, social and financial level too.
And the wounds they produce can be just as painful as suspecting she’s having an extra-marital romp at your expense.
Here’s the part that really sucks. Sometimes a woman will try hard to cover her tracks. But it may be even worse when she doesn’t try hard to cover them at all.
Call it disrespect. Call it indifference.
But when the signs are there in plain sight, you’re almost forced to confront them. And that can be a really crappy experience, especially if you’re still in love and still relatively happy with your wife.
They say ignorance is bliss, so if you’d rather not look for signs and want to be left blissfully unaware, stop reading now.
Otherwise, read on…
Signs Your Wife is Cheating on You
1 | She guards her phone with her life.
Depending on your level of trust and your relationship with your wife, you may have always shared phone stuff with each other, or you may have kept a respectful distance. When those boundaries appear to change and she’s a lot less forthcoming with what’s on her phone, it could raise some questions. If she stores images on iCloud and you have access, you may be able to learn something that way, if you’re feeling threatened.
2 | Her social media habits have changed.
Some wives go through phases where everything is a post. Other times, the types of things that get posted will change. If you get a sense that the type of content or frequency of content is changing, you might want to dig a little deeper to see who’s now following her on social media or if there are some tell-tale comments from guys you don’t know, or worse yet, don’t trust.
3 | She changed her passwords.
This will feed your paranoia for sure. She’s entitled to her privacy, but if it comes at a time when you’re having marital problems, or you’re able to add this to a list of uneasy evidence that something may be going on, it could be a contributing factor to your wife wanting privacy because she is up to something.
4 | You find your wife has been lying to you about a lot of little things.
Small white lies make it easier to tell big fat black lies. If you catch your wife in the habit of being less than forthcoming with small things like where $50 was spent in your bank account, or why she was late due to traffic when the app said the roads were all clear, it’s a sign. If you can’t trust her with the small things, how can you trust her with the big things?
5 | She’s working out a lot more.
It may be a mid-life crisis or it may be Bob at the office that’s spurring her to get into shape. People go in cycles when it comes to staying in shape, so it may be nothing. Just look at it in the overall context of what else is going on in your life as well. It could also mean that her new hook-up is actually meeting her at the gym!
6 | She can be hard to get a hold of when she’s out running errands.
She may be tuning you out because she is tuning into someone else. If your wife is always hardwired into her phone and then you hit a stretch where she’s not, that’s a change worth noting. Give her the benefit of the doubt, but do make sure you ask her why, just to see what her answer is.
7 | She’s going out a lot more with friends you barely recognize.
A separate social life is cool and often times needed to maintain a healthy marriage. But if she’s running around with a different crowd, that means she may also be meeting different men as well. With long-standing friends, you always have the advantage of familiarity to quiz them and look for anything your wife might be up to, but you lose that when she starts running with the new girls on the block.
8 | There are irregularities in your bank account or credit cards.
If you can’t match up the vast majority of the things she charges up with the stories she tells you about where she’s been, then you could be looking at a red flag. Paying for things in cash when they have been paid for by a debit or credit card in the past are also ways to cover up tracks and details about messing around.
9 | She opens up separate lines of credit or gets a separate credit card.
Lots of spouses have separate accounts and it’s no big thing. But if you’ve been having trouble in your marriage, guess who might be setting the table for one in the weeks and months to come?
10 | She is always the first one to grab the mail.
If she’s in charge of domestic issues, and it’s normal, then this is no big thing. But if you normally get the mail, or if you start noticing things coming in the post that are addressed only to her, it wouldn’t be out of line to maybe quiz her a little bit and watch her reaction. If you catch her off guard in something postal she’s doing that’s a precursor or a part of cheating, her poker face may not be enough to save her from suspicion.
11 | She doesn’t take interest in your social life anymore.
Not only that, she encourages you to hang out with the guys a lot more than normal. Shuffling you off to the side gives her added free time to get into mischief. She may also dip out at the last minute due to mysterious illnesses, or not want to hear about what a great time you had at a concert or watching your favorite team play. This kind of stuff can ebb over time, especially when kids are involved, but it could also mean she’s now playing for a different team as well.
12 | She avoids your friends.
Mentally and physically dipping out on your social circle is a real clue that she’s at least not happy, and at worst, she’s found a new friend to tickle her fancy. Keep in mind that your friends can often spot when your wife is acting differently and many times, wives know this. So rather than try to bluff through a situation, they’ll avoid that possibility completely. You can’t tell a lie if you don’t put yourself in a position to be asked about it.
13 | She gets angry with you a lot more.
Hello? When she gets angry with you whether you did something wrong or not, it makes it easier for her to justify cheating on you as well. “I’m angry with him, so I’ll do this bad thing to make me feel better.” It may not be logical, but it does happen.
14 | She spends less and less time with you.
Your wife used to be your best friend. You loved doing all kinds of things together. You went to sappy chick flicks and she went to college football games, even when both of you would rather be somewhere else. Mentally divorcing you is one of the first steps to physically cheating on you. There’s a hint of selfishness mixed in here and its one thing to lose passion for being with each other over time, but quite another to actively look to avoid spending time with each other.
15 | She retreats to another room to do her own thing at night.
Sometimes people go through periods where they just want to be alone with their thoughts. As a guy, that may be you more than your wife. But when a television and remote in one room squares off against a keyboard and a computer in the other room on a nightly basis, it sends a bad message to each other. It’s great to pursue hobbies after a long day of grinding, but when those hobbies include online chat rooms, porn or cyber intimacy as a substitute for the real thing, it a big problem.
16 | The types of things she confides to you about have changed.
Some guys don’t want to hear the neighborhood gossip, and some guys do. At the very least, you generally want to stay tuned in to some degree so you don’t go through a “foot in mouth” episode the next time you connect with the subject of your social circle’s gab. And here’s a novel thought, if you’re not getting gossip anymore, it may be because you’re the subject of that gossip instead!
17 | You catch her checking out other men a lot more.
Everybody looks. But wives on the prowl look a lot more than wives who are not. You have to allow for a certain amount of checking other people out, just like she needs to allow a certain amount of it for you too. But when it becomes a problem, it may mean a cougar is getting ready to pounce in a different direction.
18 | She stops planning for large purchases.
This might mean no interest in things like a vacation, buying a house, starting a renovation, and so forth. Most women love to shop. Most women love to create a comfortable nest. Most women who stop this kind of behavior may be thinking past these things and to a new person in a new place.
19 | She becomes noticeably lazier when it comes to doing household chores or running errands.
When your wife checks out mentally, it may be because she has checked out physically as well. A girl only has so much energy, and if it’s being directed for her own pleasures, it can’t be used to keep her end of the domestic bargain up. Either that, or she’s already moved on with her new beau and the actual physical parting may be sooner than you think.
20 | She doesn’t make any kind of a fuss like she used to when it comes to family events like birthdays, holidays or simple family day trips.
Non-participation is a form of checking out which she may have already done both mentally and physically instead of being present for life events for you and the kids in the here and now.
21 | She stops being jealous of you, no matter what you say or do, or when another woman flirts with you.
She may have treated this like a game in the past, gently putting your big head in its place if you were the object of affection by another woman. But instead of acting that way now, she may be using it as a form of justification to accept incoming flirting directed at her, or as a way to accuse you of cheating instead.
22 | Your spouse acts bored and indifferent toward everything in your life, including your children, hobbies, her job or your job or planning for the future.
Sometimes, its depression. Other times, it’s a resignation that the marriage is over. Either way, she’s in the process of moving on if this lasts for any length of time. You may be still trying to grow your family tree, but she may already be planting new seeds somewhere else.
23 | She tells you she’s not happy.
No husband wants to hear this, but sometimes it’s better to hear it than not. As men already know, an unhappy wife is an unhappy life for everyone she touches. Chances are that unhappiness has been brewing for a while and while the comment may seem like it just bubbled out spontaneously, more than likely she’s been thinking about it for quite a while. In some cases, the “I’m not happy,” comment is immediately followed by the “…and I’m seeing someone else,” comment. Ugh…
24 | She’s hanging out with her single friends more than she used to.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When hanging out with single friends, that temptation quotient rises a lot more because the single ladies will attract men on the prowl. They either won’t care or won’t know that your wife is a married woman, especially if she slips her ring off for the night. Do we even need to mention to you that it’s a big hint she’s cheating in some way if she comes home and has forgotten to put that ring back on?
25 | She’s having a mid-life crisis.
Hormonal changing can drive even the best wife crazy and sometimes into the arms and bed of another man. Need we say more?
26 | She no longer says “I love you” on a regular basis.
This one sucks because it can be so obvious that she’s taken a step back from you and if she’s not physically cheating on you, she is at the very least mentally cheating on you. Maybe it’s not the actual act of saying “I love you” that’s missing, but instead all the little things that she does for you that are the same as saying it. It’s one thing to be pissed after a fight or too busy running errands to pick up your dry cleaning once in a while, (or getting your fast food order wrong, again and again!) but when it becomes a longer-term thing, it’s a sign.
27 | She does all the laundry when it used to be a shared household task.
Hiding unexplained stains or unfamiliar scents is a lot easier to do when you start a load of laundry when it’s not your turn. Guys may just slough it off as catching a break from doing dreary housework, but pay attention if you’re getting off the hook too much and too easy when it comes to doing the laundry or other chores that may be part of a wife covering her tracks.
28 | She’s always been hit on in the past and told you about it, but she’s not telling you about it anymore.
Some guys get jealous and some guys kind of puff out their chests in a burst of pride if their wife gets hit on. And a wife who comes home and playfully reports this kind of thing to her husband is less likely to cheat than a woman who keeps that secret to herself.
29 | She accuses you of being a cheater.
Cheaters tend to accuse others of their own behavior. It’s meant to manipulate you by taking the focus off of them and putting it on to you. The goal is to keep you so busy defending yourself and being emotionally distraught that you don’t have enough time to pay attention to your spouse’s own behavior.
30 | Your marriage has hit an extended rough patch and no matter what you do, nothing changes.
You keep stepping on relationship landmines that blow up in your face, no matter which way you turn. “I can’t stop screwing up,” could mean that you are being aided by a wife looking to nail you to the cross for every little thing as a means of racking up points to use in her own defense if she gets caught cheating.
31 | Your wife has cheated in the past.
If they did it once, either with you or while they were with someone else, just dating or whatever the case may be, studies have shown that a wife is more likely to do it again.
32 | Your wife seems to be picking fights more often.
Guess who’s trying to rationalize their own bad behavior? By picking a fight with you, your wife could be trying to create justification in their own mind that things are bad at home so seeking comfort in the arms of a stranger makes more sense.
33 | She acts like a deer or a cat.
When you challenge her on certain things and ask for a logical explanation, you may be met with the “deer in the headlights” look. Look your partner in the eye, and if you can actually see that distant disengaged look, she is probably cheating on you. And, if your wife is having trouble sleeping, or experiencing depression or anxiety, she may be cheating on you as well. Fear has a way of taking control away. If she is cheating, she will be afraid like a scared cat you will find out, no matter how disconnected you are.
34 | When you ask for reassurance about not cheating, you don’t feel satisfied with your wife’s response.
If you’ve been married for any length of time, you either know when an answer is a bit off, or your spouse is really good at covering her tracks. If there’s an awkward chat that takes place when cheating comes up, it could be the equivalent of a tell in a marital poker game.
35 | Your spouse picks up a new hobby that requires a fairly sizable time commitment.
When you do the right husband thing and show interest in it, she may avoid talking about it or blows you off. Maybe it’s working out at the gym or taking a community college class in the evening. Maybe she just wants a little space and your head and your insecurities are playing games with you…or maybe not. If she’s normally chatty about new things in her life, but repeatedly shifts gears when you bring up her new outside interest, it may be because she learning and doing a lot more than what is on the syllabus.
36 | She has very little self-esteem.
When a woman has low self-esteem, and you’re not able to validate her as a person, wife, or mother, guess what? She’s going to go looking for it somewhere else. Casual and friendly chats with a co-worker or a neighbor can turn into a lot more when a woman sends out the signs of approval because another man praised her or paid her the kind of attention she wants.
37 | Your gut feeling tells you she may be cheating.
Women aren’t the only ones with intuition. If you get “that feeling” inside of you that says something is off, it may be time to dig around for a little evidence to either confirm or deny what your gut is telling you. Sooner or later, you’ll get an answer one way or the other. If your “guydar” senses an incoming lie, pay attention to it.
If you’ve made it this far, you’re probably thinking that ½ of a cheating sign is a gimmick.
Actually, it’s not.
That one half represents your half of the marriage and the responsibility you have to take upon yourself for allowing some of these other possibly cheating behaviors to take place.
All kidding aside, when a marriage starts to go bad or when you suspect your wife is cheating on you, at least half of that behavior is something you need to own. Sometimes more, and maybe sometimes less. So we’ll just split the difference and say that half of one of the signs your wife may be cheating is because you’re not holding up your half of the marriage.
Okay, maybe it’s a little gimmicky. But if we got you to stop and think about it, then it was worth it.
Don’t go blindly into the part of your marriage where these cheating behaviors may be taking root or actually taking place. Don’t ignore the warning signs.
What to do next
Before doing anything else, you need to decide if you want to save your marriage. Are you ready to throw in the towel or is your marriage worth fighting for?
Give yourself some time to process. I urge you to speak with a therapist who can help you sort through your emotions and guide you on what steps to take next.
If you don’t already have a therapist you like, online therapy is a great option to consider. BetterHelp lets you choose from thousands of licensed, accredited therapists with prices starting at $35/week for unlimited counseling. You can connect with your therapist from anywhere via phone, text, email or video sessions. They also offer couples counseling.
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