Let go of the anger from your divorce- You CAN, and you MUST!
After all, if you have kids, your ex is still family, in a weird mutant sort of way. Now, you have yet another annoying, conniving, (borderline evil), family member who knows how to, and enjoys, pushing your buttons…Awesome!
How does one just “get over it”? Sounds easy right? Hah, as if!
I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and emotionally tormented. My ex can look you in the eye, swear on his mother’s life, and lie to your face. He’s the scariest, sleeziest kind of ex out there.
It does take time, effort, and patience to ‘get there’. For years his vial comments and angry energy would infiltrate my thin skin. His evil essence would linger hours following our encounters, leaving me in need of a deep soul exfoliation. His evil residue threatened to corrode my being if not scrubbed clean. Is there an exorcism for this kind of thing?
You could argue: “But MY ex is the MOST evil, conniving, mean, abusive, volatile, a cheater, a liar, the worst human on this planet…..” Yup, so is mine, so is everyone’s- at some point.
We’re inclined to want to punish them, teach them a lesson, or put them in their place. BUT it’s useless. They are who they are. NOTHING you can do or say will change them at this point. You’re never going to show them why they should change. You just need to take a step back and let them be crazy/sad/small them.
Let your ex be their own problem now, or someone else’s (poor them). You carry on in peace. Peace is all you wanted after all, isn’t it!?
Even if you’ve concocted, or executed, a perfect revenge scheme, you still wouldn’t feel any better (well maybe for a hot minute you might). But we’ve all seen Lifetime TV or Investigative Discovery Channel, revenge plots by scorned ex’s usually don’t end well. Revenge won’t ‘fix’ them anyhow.
I like to think of my life as a computer screen where I minimize the annoyances into tiny boxes banished to the corner of my screen. There, I ignore it best that I can. My ex is now reduced to a pesky little minimized pop-up add that flares across my screen sporadically to get attention… until I click it back into its little pathetic place. Wish I could remove it permanently. But it will just have to live in that corner for a long time, as I have children with this piece of junk mail.
Some mantras that help when your ex is ‘flaring up’:
- Throwing a hot stone (of anger) will only harm YOU. You’re the one holding the hot stone.
- Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Don’t poison yourself.
- Forgiveness and letting go, and the ability to rise above the challenges that have been ‘caused’ by others is the most important ability.
- Learn to accept apologies that you never will receive
- Forgiveness doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it prevents their behavior from negatively affecting YOU.
Remember, the longer you hold onto the anger, the more harm it does- mentally, spiritually and physically.
Even though your ex has caused you much pain…forgive, move on, let go, and realize that your healing starts from within, the only person you CAN fix is yourself.
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