You’re probably here because your divorce just put you through the wringer.
The exhausting legal process…the countless verbal battles… the irreparable heartbreak…
It can all take a massive toll on your mind, body, and spirit.
Well, you’ve come to the right place. It’s time to pick up the pieces. It’s time to move on.
And this list is aimed at helping you do just that!
Print it out, fold it up, stuff it in your wallet. Frame it in the bedroom. It doesn’t matter.
But whatever you do, keep this list handy as your “divorce recovery roadmap”.
We’ve assembled a bulletproof list of 50 things you can literally do right now to help you recover from a divorce.
““They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”
– Andy Warhol
Let’s dive in…
50 Ways to Recover from and Move on After Divorce
1. Have constructive conversations about your feelings
There are two ways to have conversations about your feelings and divorce.
First, you can wallow and complain about everything that seems to be going wrong in your life (hint: this probably won’t get you very far).
Secondly, you can have constructive conversations with your support system.
A constructive talk could include discussions as to whether your feelings are justified. Or what you’re doing to overcome them. Or why certain feelings are recurring despite the divorce being finished.
Either way, not all conversations are created equal.
Make sure your conversations are focused on where you’re headed as opposed to where you’ve been.
2. Surround yourself with QUALITY friends
We previously mentioned that not all feelings are created equal – well, neither are friends.
It would be great if every friend you surround yourself with were able to listen intently, and fill you with positive reinforcement. As you’ve probably learned over the course of your life, that’s not always the case.
A helpful social circle is much more about QUALITY rather than QUANTITY.
The friends you need during a time like this are friends that see both sides of the coin. These are friends that know how to help you, but also when to hit with you those regular ‘reality checks’ or ‘gut checks’.
They aren’t scared to tell you what you need to hear.
After all, these are quality friends. They know that regardless of whether you like it or not, it’s the best advice for you at this given time.
Learn to appreciate these people in your life because without them you’ll end up making decisions based on what you feel is right rather than what actually is right.
3. Leverage social media to connect with old friends
People will tell you that social media is bad. They’ll say that social media breeds envy. They’ll say that social media intensifies depression and other negative emotions.
While this can all be true to some extent, there are many ways in which social media can be leveraged in a positive way.
One of the unarguable best uses for social media is the ability to reconnect with friends, both new and old.
Regardless of how long you were married, inevitably, there are friends that you’ve fallen out of grace with over the years. Whether differences arose in your lifestyles, hobbies, or personalities, or whether life simply got too busy; these old connections remain at your disposal.
Use social media to reconnect with some of these old friends, or even to find new ones.
The connections you make with these people – be it online or in person – will help to reinvigorate you, motivate you.
Social media is a pool of opportunity. Use it wisely.
4. Don’t use social media to monitor your ex-spouse
OK, you know this should go without saying. The problem is it’s always easier said than done.
Perhaps your spouse is on social media. Perhaps they’re flaunting their new life loud and proud for the world to see.
First, understand that this is often a ‘front’, or a coverup for how they might actually be feeling. No one is going to use social media to share themselves in bed, depressed with a pint of ice cream.
Everyone wants to put their best foot forward with their online platforms.
Keeping tabs on your ex-spouse and what they’re doing via social media is not only a poor choice of time – but it’s highly counterproductive. Don’t let them steal any more hours from your life.
You’re moving on now, and you’re doing things that will help you grow and become a better person.
Nothing good will materialize from watching their every move and allowing those feelings to fester inside of you.
5. Assess what went wrong in your marriage
Assessing the good and bad from your marriage is a positive step in the right direction. A true reflection involves thoughts around what each of you could have done better.
It goes both ways.
Identify the areas in your marriage in which you flourished.
Although, don’t forget to identify the areas in your marriage where your failed to hold up your end of the bargain, and vice versa.
Evaluate how these two forces – both the good and the bad – played a role in the ultimate outcome of divorce.
Often times, we’ll discover little tidbits about the dynamic of our relationships that we never observed before. It might help to explain why things turned South, and what you might have done to contribute to this (if anything!).
Use this assessment to learn and prepare for future relationships.
6. Give yourself time to grieve
In a perfect world, you would heal your hearts overnight, pick up the pieces quickly, and keep marching on. However, the real world it doesn’t always work this way. In fact, that’s not even the right approach.
It’s perfectly acceptable to give yourself time to work through the grieving process. You’re not “wrong” for feeling the way you do.
If you don’t take the proper time to grieve and accept, you may find yourself living with pent up thoughts and emotions.
Don’t rush it.
Whether you’re experiencing feelings of anger, sadness, or regret – you need to let the heart purge itself. This will allow you to pursue the rest of the ideas this list with an open heart and a clear mind.
7. Be grateful
Willie Nelson once said, “When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.”
There’s something about gratitude that brings the best out of you. Yet it’s so hard for people to remember to be grateful on a daily basis.
Ironically, there is so much to be thankful for. It doesn’t matter who you are.
Chances are your circumstances are better than 90% of the world.
Try your best to put things in perspective, and focus on the small things.
You shouldn’t have to look far.
8. Learn to appreciate the lessons it taught you
Whether you’ve labeled your marriage as a failure or not, there are going to be decisions you look back on and wish you made them differently.
While regret is a natural effect of those thoughts, it’s also a prime time to take away some lessons.
Where did you go wrong? How could you have approached things differently? If you think you did everything right, how could you have expressed yourself better? Could you have been a better listener?
Dive deep in this exercise and use that information to reimagine who you want to be in future relationships.
9. Get moving & exercise
This is definitely at the top of the list for helping to move on after divorce.
The benefits of regular exercise both mentally and physically – cannot be overstated.
People often think that working out needs to be a long, vigorous event. Absolutely not!
Get outside, go for a walk or a hike, go to the gym and just sit in the sauna. Whatever you choose, get off the couch and waken your body.
The sweat is great, but even better? The self accomplishment that comes with turning this into regular habit.
You may already incorporate meditation as part of your daily routine, and that’s awesome! Meditation is a long-game, which means the benefits begin to show as you continue on with the practice over months, years, or a lifetime.
Nobody is perfect at meditation.
Take a minimum of 5 minutes per day to shut everything down and close your eyes. Focus on your breathing, and bring your mind back to your breathing if it starts to wander.
Guided voice mediation is also super helpful.
Some of the best meditation apps are:
- Simply Habit
- 10% Happier (includes FAQ’s)
- Abide (Christian meditation)
11. Pursue a hobby you had on the backburner
Did you ever want to play the guitar growing up?
What about writing? Have you had the itch to travel more and become more cultural?
Divorce is a great time to go back to your roots. Try some of the things that used to excite you and that used to motivate you. See if something you try sparks a joy that you forgot you had.
Life works in the funniest ways.
You have no idea how one small decision like pursuing an old hobby can change the course of your future.
Caution: Jealousy, anger, and worrying are NOT considered old hobbies worth pursuing.
12. Listen to music
There’s something about music that touches your soul.
It makes you dance, both literally and figuratively.
Some songs can bring back old memories and remind you of the good times (as a precaution, stay away from those songs stimulate sadness). Other songs can literally turn a bad day into a good day.
That’s the power of music.
Tap into this as a resource for improving your mood whenever you need to.
Simple mundane tasks such as driving and walking can be enhanced by turning on your favorite tunes along the way!
13. Create a dating app profile
Whether you like it or not – you’re in the 21st Century folks.
Some may not be comfortable with the concept of online dating, or you might only be comfortable behind a keyboard.
Either way, there’s a world of opportunity out there.
There are good men and women to be found on online dating sites. Many happy relationships and marriages have spawned from these platforms.
Give it a shot. Why not?
Set up a profile and write some good things about yourself. Put up one of your favorite pics – and see what happens.
You might find your inbox full of messages and compliments!
14. Hire a therapist
You don’t have to go at it alone.
We talked about leaning on family and friends as a support system during this difficult time. Professional help is a great way to take things to the next level.
You can literally share anything and everything with your therapist, and the best part is, they won’t judge you! They also won’t tiptoe around your emotions as a close family member might do in order to protect your feelings.
Go into these meetings with an agenda in mind. More importantly, go in with an open mind.
Make notes about the things that are on your mind. Dive deep with this professional, and don’t let any fears hold you back.
Chances are you’ll leave these appointments feeling reinvigorated with a sense of progress.
If sitting down with a therapist face-to-face feels intimidating, consider online therapy.
With online counseling apps like BetterHelp, you can choose from thousands of licensed therapists at affordable rates. Get the support you need whenever and wherever you want with weekly live sessions by phone or video and unlimited messaging. Use this link to get 10% off and get connected with a therapist now >>
15. Avoid unnecessary interaction with your ex-spouse
The recovery process requires that you rid your life of bad habits and replace them with good ones.
It falls in line with the motto, “out with the old, in with the new”.
You might find yourself eager to contact your ex in the months (or years) following your divorce. You might want to tell them about certain events happening in your life. You might be tempted to reach out with questions in an effort to keep the dialogue going.
However, unless you’re discussing child-related issues, keeping the dialogue active can be a detriment to the recovery process.
You’ll want to purge that conversation as soon as possible, especially if it’s not productive.
Focus your attention on the people you know that actually deserve it.
16. Write in a journal
Writing is thinking.
Rather than gaze out the window, buried in thought, try putting pen to paper.
Whether you’re summarizing your day in writing, or just scribbling random thoughts as they come to you, the habit of writing down your thoughts can have a major effect on your ability to handle waves of emotions.
Putting these thoughts on paper helps to get things out in front of you. It helps you digest the things that you’re feeling, or ruminating about.
Gratitude is another aspect of this writing process.
Write about the things you’re grateful for each morning or night.
Think about what would make today a great day, and write that down too. At the end of the day, reflect on how it went.
Jot down a few things that went really well. Also, think about anything that you could have done differently that would have made the day even better.
All in all, this is a small time commitment – maybe 5 minutes in total.
17. Purge belongings that bring back old painful memories
Out of sight, out of mind. That’s the premise here.
Maybe there are old framed photos around the house. Maybe there is that one piece of art that your spouse really wanted for the living room.
If your spouse is no longer in the house and they didn’t take all their belongings, get rid of some of those old memories.
Even subconsciously, being surrounded by items accumulated during the marriage could bring back painful memories.
The best way to avoid these constant recollections is to set yourself up for success.
Start by purging the house of any unnecessary items.
18. Medicate (Rx)
Most of the advice provided in this list focuses on a holistic, natural approach to recovery.
However, it’s understood that there are certain physical and mental conditions that require medication prescribed by a medical professional.
By all means, if you are diagnosed with a particular condition for which a medical professional advises treatment in the form of medication – take their advice.
There is nothing wrong with this. There is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.
In a lot of cases, this is the only way to get better.
We do advise, however, that any medication you use is done so under the supervision of a medical professional. Don’t take matters into your own hands.
19. Get outdoors and experience nature
There’ve been many studies that indicate the extreme health benefits associated with being engrossed in nature.
Research also shows that nature itself can help to eliminate or reduce hypertension. Hypertension is associated with abnormally high blood pressure.
Nature can also improve cardiovascular illnesses.
Most importantly, your overall mood and vitality is going to be enhanced as a result of your exposure to natures beauty.
To be clear, this doesn’t have to involve anything extreme like traveling to a rain forest. It can be a place as simple as your local park.
Go out for a walk, breathe the fresh air and appreciate how amazing nature truly is. We often take the small things like this for granted.
Don’t overlook the value of your immediate surroundings.
20. Eat healthy
This one should probably go without saying. Yet, it’s easier said than done.
Be conscious of what you put into your body. Food and nourishment has a direct affect on your emotions. There’s a popular saying that goes:
“Eat good to look good, look good to feel good, feel good to play good.” Not sure who said it, but it hits home.
In other words, there’s a ripple effect.
The healthier you eat, the healthier you will look and therefore the healthier you will feel. If you feel good, your confidence will kick into overdrive and your days will be more enjoyable.
Proteins, fats, and carbs should be the center of your eating habits.
Try your best to avoid processed foods. Find healthy alternatives for your favorite treats.
Oh, and keep the alcohol at bay.
21. Take it slow in a new relationship
So you just wrapped up your divorce, and you’ve found that new someone.
This new person gives you all “the feels”. Things are looking up and you’re off to the races.
But is that the best way to go about this new relationship? Your emotions are raw and you’ve just been through what was probably a tough, traumatic time in your life.
Do yourself a favor and take things slow.
Especially if there are kids involved, you owe it to the family to be smart and practical in your approach to dating after divorce.
It’s natural to want to settle down right away – after all, that’s been your lifestyle over the course of your marriage.
22. Retail therapy
This bit of advice comes with a cautionary disclaimer!
Retail therapy is simple: it is the act of shopping in order to make one feel better.
The truth is, it works.
But, it only works to an extent.
If you want to buy yourself a new purse or a new outfit to bolster your confidence and enjoy a night out, then by all means go for it.
However, if you’re buying things hoping that material items will improve the quality of your life – then you are likely mistaken.
To take it a step a further, spending money recklessly is NEVER advised, especially at the expense of other important bills in your life such as the mortgage, credit cards, taxes, etc.
Be responsible and be intentional about how much you’re spending and what you’re spending it on.
23. Forgive yourself
You simply cannot live your life in regret. You cannot live a fulfilling life by constantly feeding your mind with negative self-talk.
Whether you consider yourself at-fault for the divorce or not, you need to forgive yourself for everything that took place.
Hopefully by this point you’ve assessed what went wrong and where you could have done better. That kind of reflection is necessary for moving on.
But once that is done – it is time to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for what you did, or forgive yourself for accepting the way you live for as long as you did. Forgive yourself for the way you or your spouse may have made your kids feel.
Forgiving yourself is the only way you’re truly going to be able to move forward.
Most couples spend the bulk of their divorce settlement fighting over the family home. By nature, both spouses may have emotional ties to this property.
Neither spouse wants to completely uproot their life by relocating and starting over in a new or unfamiliar place.
On the flip side, this house probably elicits tons of memories from your marriage both good and bad. These memories can fester as long as you remain in the house.
Don’t fight to keep the house just because you think it’ll allow for an easier transition. This might be a short sighted approach.
If you really want to carry on with a new life, maybe it’s just time to MOVE!
25. Create new traditions with your children
Perhaps every year you and your spouse took the kids up to the lake for a summer vacation. Maybe Sunday nights you and your spouse took the kids for ice cream at the local creamery.
These are all great traditions that your kids will learn to appreciate over time.
What you might not realize is that these traditions are less about the activity, and more about being with you.
Talk to your kids about the things they really enjoy, and incorporate some new traditions into your life.
For example, maybe they never even liked that creamery, and instead always preferred to local candy shop.
Either way, they certainly won’t scorn you for doing something different. These traditions will quickly become their new norm.
26. Create new habits for yourself
Have you ever heard the phrase “you are the sum of your habits”? Well, this holds true.
The things you do day in and day out on a regular basis determine the person you become.
If your tendencies are to sit on the couch watching TV and drowning your sorrows – that’s who you are.
On the other hand, if you get to the gym, read books, and do the small things that it takes to be successful – then that’s who you are.
There’s another phrase that goes, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result”.
If you’re trying to change your life, then you must do something differently.
There’s no other way.
27. Encourage your kids to ask you questions
We all know how inquisitive kids can be. They have a question for everything.
One of the most frequent questions we get is “why“?
If your kids ask you questions such as the “why“ about your divorce, answer it for them. They deserve to know what’s going on.
It doesn’t mean that you’re dragging them into your drama, or that you’re using them as an outlet to vent about your spouse. It simply means that you respect their desire to learn and understand things.
The reciprocal effect is a benefit to you as you figure out how to provide sound, practical answers to their questions.
Show them (and yourself) that you’re able to put your best foot forward.
28. Form a new budget
The income you had to support one household now needs to support two households. The math is not rocket science.
Things need to change, financially.
Maybe you’ve always been financially responsible and frugal (kudos to that), but it doesn’t mean things don’t need to be reassessed.
Hopefully you’ve run through an extensive, thorough budget with your divorce attorney or divorce financial advisor during the settlement process.
Either way, you’ll need to cut out the fat.
In other words, find the services, products etc. that you can live without and start fresh. Build from there.
29. Find new advisors
Let’s say you and your spouse shared a financial advisor over the course of your marriage (I mean, why wouldn’t you?).
That professional may still be consulting with your spouse following the divorce. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this. They are simply doing their job. But this isn’t your obligation.
Regardless of the situation, you don’t want to share a financial advisor with your ex-spouse following the divorce settlement. This leaves the door too wide open for conflict of interest.
It also goes hand-in-hand with privacy.
Find an advisor that you trust that has your best interest in mind, vet them properly, and make the plunge.
Yes, this might be intimating at first, but with it comes peace of mind that you wouldn’t otherwise have if you and your ex-spouse kept your finances under one roof.
30. Be patient
You need to understand that recovery is a long game.
Emotional recovery is not something you can force. It begins to take shape over time as you personally assess, accept, and learn from the failings of your marriage.
Spiritual recovery requires you to buy into the notion that ‘everything will be ok’ and that this life is as it was meant to be.
Patience is the ability to trust the process and take small steps in a positive direction that accumulate over time, similar to the concept of developing good habits.
Almost every piece of advice in this guide requires patience at some level.
The consequence for not being patient is a potential setback in the growth and healing process, which is something you certainly want to avoid if it’s within your control.
Do you turn your heart to a Higher Power when you feel angry, fearful or sad?
Here is a simple prayer you can use to help connect you with that Higher Power:
I worry. Fear is a real enemy. Finances, a difficult decision, a conflict with a partner, a challenge in my work scenario… these situations matter. I know You are not asking me to deny reality here. I’m not. But whatever my case, imagined or real, I turn the worry portion of this situation back to You, here and now. Settle my stress. Calm my anxiety and the agitation in my body. I see myself handing this entire matter into Your strong and good hand. As I do that now, I won’t neglect to add, “Thank you!”
32. Channel your passion to help others in the same situation
Doesn’t it make you feel good inside when you lend a helping hand to someone in need?
Personal experiences show us that when we turn our attention outward, as opposed to focusing on ourselves, we’re more likely to experience feelings of joy.
When it comes to helping others in their divorce, understand that you are in a uniquely qualified position to assist them. You’ve been through it yourself.
You’ve come out the other side.
Don’t underestimate how that can inspire other people in a similar situation. Selflessly helping others navigate a troubling event (specifically divorce) can have a ripple effect on your recovery as well.
Channel your passion for those that don’t yet see things are clearly as you do now.
33. Read for mental exercise
Reading is like taking your brain to the gym.
Your brain is a muscle just like all the others muscles in your body, although much more powerful. Your brain needs exercise and stimulation to perform at optimal levels.
Reading is an incredible way to exercise the brain and the mind.
No, we aren’t talking about just reading your 50 page Marital Settlement Agreement (although that is still reading!).
We’re talking about things that excite you.
Read things about areas in life in which you want to improve, such as job responsibilities. Or, read about topics you’ve always been interested in – but never had the time to pursue.
The point is – just read.
Do it often, daily if you can. Make it a habit, and your brain functions will flourish as a result.
34. Go for a physical checkup
The divorce is over and you’re probably most concerned with your mental and emotional wellbeing, as you should be.
But don’t ignore your physical health as well.
Go see your family doctor or general medicine practitioner for a routine check up. It might sound like a waste of time, but it’s certainly not.
The doctor will remind you that you are healthy, that all of your vitals are OK, and most importantly – that you’re NOT dying.
If anything, it’s just one less issue for you to worry about.
35. Find a job
There are two clear cut benefits to re-entering the workforce following your divorce.
There’s also a third less obvious benefit.
The first is that you’ll have additional earned income to support your household and your lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that, right?
Secondly, you’ll be pushing yourself to learn something new. Apply yourself in a new way.
Work was never meant to be easy, but it’s how you evolve over the course of your employment that will reap the biggest rewards.
Lastly – staying busy means less time to ruminate. Less time for self pity. Less time for resentment.
And depending on who you are … less time to get yourself into any trouble!
36. Learn to embrace downtime
This might be the antithesis of other advise suggesting that you “find a job”.
But regardless of your employment situation, downtime is a given.
While most people yearn for downtime throughout the week, once they ultimately have it – they fight it.
They can’t sit still, or even worse, they feel in sufficient by doing nothing. This also leaves the door open for stress, worry, and anxiety.
Don’t fall for this mind trick. Down time is a critical part of being able to perform at a high level the next day, or the following week.
Learn to be intentional with you boredom, and use it to your advantage – not to your detriment.
37. Make personal hygiene a priority
When you look good you feel good – plain and simple.
Prioritizing self-care and proper hygiene are simple ways to give yourself an added dose of confidence and boost self-esteem.
Do yourself a solid and take a few minutes out of your day to use those new skin care products you’ve been dying to try, experiment with a new hairstyle, dig out the teeth whitening kit you bought and threw in the drawer (because who has time to sit around with whitening trays in their mouth for an hour?).
This may not seem like a big deal now and might even feel a bit daunting, but healthy habits lead to a positive self-image and a happier lifestyle.
While you may not feel ready to face the world just yet, you’ll quickly realize you’ve got no choice but to get back on that horse, so to speak.
So next time you leave the house, make sure you leave feeling your best.
38. Reset your “trust” standards
Don’t let your insecurities snowball into your next relationship.
As difficult as it may be to let go of the pain and feelings of betrayal following a divorce, you must be willing to put that negative mindset behind you before committing to a new relationship.
Work on yourself first.
Learn how to be happy on your own and get reacquainted with you are outside of being in a relationship. When you do decide to start dating again – take it slow.
New relationships are exhilarating but if you have any lingering trust issues going into it, they WILL come to the surface at some point.
Yes, it’s scary and you can never really control or predict what someone else will do.
Choosing to trust your next partner does involve some risk, but how will you ever find the happiness you deserve without it?
39. Make your bed
There is a well-known quote from US Navy Admiral William McRaven that reads:
“If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. And by the end of the day, that one task completed, will have turned into many tasks completed.”
Makes sense, right? The point is that little things really do matter.
Even something as small as taking five minutes to make your bed every morning can change the course of your day.
Just think of how welcoming it is to arrive home after a long or difficult day to find a neatly-made bed waiting for you.
40. Trade late nights for early mornings
There’s something empowering, and almost magical, about the feeling of beginning your day while the world around you is still in a state of rest.
Waking up early gives you an invaluable opportunity to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally before being thrown into the chaos of your day-to-day.
Make a commitment to rise before the sun each morning.
This gives you time to sip a cup of coffee in bed, enjoy some light reading, make a to-do list, or whatever will make you feel your best as you head into the day.
By the time you’re on the go, you’ll be well equipped to take on whatever comes at you.
Expect there to be an adjustment period. It’s not an easy thing to change your sleep habits.
But once you get past that, you’ll be wondering how you ever considered yourself to be a “night owl”.
41. Organize your things – Marie Kondo style
Commit to getting your life organized.
Day to day life can be pretty stressful, so give yourself one less worry and take the time to reorganize your belongings.
Creating an organized living space where everything has a home and clutter is eliminated can be life changing.
Start by eliminating anything you don’t love or have a genuine need for.
Organize your belongings by category, not by location (such as clothes, books, papers, sentimental items, etc.).
It’s not just about cleaning up, but more about removing those things from your life that don’t hold a significant purpose.
By doing this you’ll reduce stress, create a more inviting living space, and feel a sense of control over your life.
42. Change the narrative
Did you know that we as humans have the ability to control our thoughts?
Did you know that the way we talk to ourselves can have a powerful impact on our emotions?
Being hard on yourself with negative self talk is like drinking poison, and expecting it to kill the someone else. It doesn’t make sense, and the result is counterproductive.
If you’re having a hard time coping, change the narrative.
Focus on the things you can control. Focus on the qualities you possess that can catapult you from Point A to Point B.
As crazy as it may sound, it actually is in YOUR power.
43. Leverage your strengths
Let’s clarify: when talking about your strengths, these are the strengths that you feel you have. Not the strengths that your spouse wanted you to have, or the ones they thought you had.
The strengths you need to leverage are the ones you’ve had since you were little. These are the strengths that have helped you get to where you are today.
These are unique to who you are.
These are the strengths the world needs you to hone in on. These are the traits that you can use to give back to society and those around you.
These are the characteristics you were born.
Get back to your roots. Water your own grass. Find yourself again.
44. Excuses Be Gone
If you’ve heard this phrase before, it’s because this is the title of a popular book by the famous Dr. Wayne Dyer, and is highly recommended for anyone that uses excuses to support their decisions (if you’re being honest, this probably applies to you).
Dr. Wayne presents excuses as ‘crutches’ that we all use. He provides actionable insight on how to push them aside.
The old, familiar ways of thinking will dissipate as you experience the craziness of hanging on to them.
You’ll eventually learn that no excuse is worth defending, ever, regardless of how ingrained they are in your day to day life.
When you purge yourself of the need of always having to defend yourself you’ll open up to a life of endless possibilities.
45. Push your limits
Pushing your limits can be painful. But, pain is simply weakness leaving the body.
Ray Dalio, the billionaire investor, talks about 1st and 2nd order consequences.
Unfortunately, so many people quit after the 1st order consequences that they don’t get to experience the 2nd order.
Take going to the gym for example:
The 1st order consequence is the pain you feel while working out. But the beauty lies in the 2nd order consequence of a physically fit body (that looks good and performs well).
Pushing yourself to the limit means pushing past that 1st wall, the 1st order of consequences, to experience the pride and joy that comes with the 2nd order.
Surprisingly, the 2nd order isn’t really a consequence at all!
Yes, it’s been said. Sleep more.
There’s no need to burn both ends of the candle.
Research suggests we get a minimum of 7-8 hrs of sleep per night. Realistically, depending on your schedule, this may not always be possible. That’s fine.
Be specific about the times you go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning. Consistent sleep is just as important as the amount of sleep.
Avoid the glaring screens of phones, tablets, computers etc at least 60 minutes prior to bedtime.
Melatonin is a great natural sleep aid and will help to set the tone for quality sleep.
Ample, quality, consistent sleep will enable your mind, body, and spirit to operate at optimal levels throughout the day.
47. Create fresh aromas
The cells that help you smell are tied to your limbic system (the ancient part of the brain) – which governs memory, emotions, and general behavior.
Toss out the scents of your ex-spouse. Out with the old, in with the new.
Here are some common scents and how they can benefit you:
- Lavender; can help you rest
- Pine; can reduce stress and anxiety
- Citrus; can wake you up or provide a mid-day energy boost
- Jasmine; can help with sadness
- Pumpkin … well, that’s for sexual desire
What’s your favorite?
48. Remember, feelings are not facts
Let’s repeat that … feelings are NOT facts.
The fact may be that you are having a feeling, but your feeling is not a fact.
Feelings are genuine, however.
The problem lies in the way you try to interpret our feelings. Your interpretations, however asinine they are, then become justified in your mind.
That justification turns it into a full blown fact (again, at least in your own minds).
These self-proclaimed “facts” then impact your actions. They impact how you look at the world, and the way you treat yourself and those around us.
Notice feelings as they come and go, and don’t force them away. Yet, notice how these feelings “come” and then “go”.
They are temporary, and they shouldn’t dictate the direction of your life.
49. Hold yourself accountable
Holding yourself accountable is not the same as punishing yourself. Rather, it’s a self-check system.
Personal accountability is a requirement for life advancement.
Accountability applies to work, relationships, parenting, and everything in between.
Holding yourself accountable will distinguish you from the crowd. It will set you apart from those that fall into the perpetual ‘victim mentality’.
One good tip is to perform regular (daily, weekly, etc) reviews of yourself – accomplishments and failings alike.
Simply tracking these metrics on a consistent basis will:
- Improve your mental fortitude
- Help your relationships to flourish
- Demand respect from other people
- Enhance your self-esteem
50. Remember your WHY
As cliché as it sounds, this is a real question being posed to you:
What is your “Why”?
What are you here for?
What moves you to wake up in the morning?
What type of life do you envision for yourself?
Your ex-spouse is not your “Why”. In fact, they never were.
Your “Why” can’t be dictated by outside people, places, or events.
Your “Why” is held deep down within you.
Hopefully, you attempt as many of the tips from this guide as you can.
Then, you’ll be in prime position to ask yourself this question again. This time with eyes wide open. This time with a clear mind and an open heart.
Be aware as your true self thinks through this age-old question.
The answer might surprise you.
Want to learn more about life after divorce? Here are a few of our favorite resources: